Who Wants To Meet PM Harry McDonagh?
Election Night: Hopefully Not Based On True Events is out on Fri 6 Dec! Here’s an exclusive excerpt from my new comedy. Have a read, a laugh and order your copy below. Treat yourself, or someone who’s going to find it funny. But the question is…
…..Who’s ready to meet Prime Minister Harry McDonagh?
The Final Day of Campaigning
9.00am – 8.00pm.
Tony and Veronica loved Election Night. Tony took a half-day from work to make sure that their tenement flat in Springburn was spick and span, and stocked with supplies ready for the all-nighter of political viewing ahead. He would go for a quick shop at the Cost Cutter down the bottom of the street to pick up a bag of munchies (crisps, sweets, chocolate) a crate of beer, jar of cheap coffee, bottle of gin, bottle of lemonade and a carton of milk. Once he had everything he needed, he would head back to the flat and set down everything he had bought on the living room coffee table. By that time, it was 5.00pm and Veronica would be finishing work in a few hours. He would top off the preparations by placing an order with their favourite Chinese takeaway that Veronica would pick up on her way home. Perching the remote control on the arm of the chair, Tony put on the news and waited for Veronica to return home with the Chinese (an order big enough to last them all the way through the night – salt n chili chips, ribs, chow mein, sweet and sour chicken, vegetable spring rolls and a portion of fried rice with a side of prawn crackers). The Election coverage wouldn’t properly kick off for a few hours yet but that didn’t stop Tony consuming every bit of coverage there was on the final hours of voting. This was his Super Bowl. His World Cup Final. And he wouldn’t miss a minute of it. Whilst he waited for Veronica to come home with the food, he’d catch up with Twitter, starting with the Prime Minister himself.
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm
Followed by Donald J Trump, Alan Partridge, Kim Kardashian, The Krankies, Justin Bieber & 170 others you follow.
Prime Minister of Great Britain, #TeamThanos & Misses Entourage. Hates racism and feminism. Doesn’t know which ones worse.
The Toilet.
Instagram.com/doughnutmcdonagh
Joined May 2010
69 Following 24.5M Followers
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 22h
Election Day! If ye dae wan thing today – get aff yer arse and vote! We are aff on one final day of campaigning – looking forward to our final trip across the country with my main man @mudmartin & my press secretary @sylviafleming with blogger @melissawells with us!
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 21h
Remember, the other dafties havenae been in powur over the last 4 years like I have – they cannae even spell powur properly! Who would ye rather have representin’ ye aw ower the world, eh? People that have nae clue what it’s like to run the country? They’d run it intae the ground! Besides, they don’t look as good as me on yer GBH TV!
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 22h
*HD TV!
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 21h
@politicallyyou I tweet how a talk – which is why people love me. I’ve goat the whole o Scotland ahint me! I’m real, genuine and a man o the people. Are ye naw better aff writing some proper articles about the election instead o criticizing the way folk talk?
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 21h
Did anyone watch @keepingupwaethekrankies last night? Brilliant – two Scottish national treasures. Sorry @KimKardashian – I think The Krankies have got you beat! #teamkrankie #justkiddingkim
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 21h
@ffred1876 So what if they put their keys in a bowl? I don’t care if they are swingers - I grew up wae the Krankies – naebody does panto like they dae! Except Gerard Kelly! RIP
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 18h
We’re visiting polling stations across the UK just now! Tell us when you’ve voted! We’ve already cast our votes, haven’t we @sylviafleming & @mudmartin ?
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 18h
@tonybartonpodcast @melissawells @sylviafleming @politicallyyou I’m naw overly concerned wae polls – they’ve been wrong in the past and they’ll be wrong again. The election’s just a formality – we’ll be back in that office for another 5 year!
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 18h
See if I have tae shake another manky, sweaty hand the day I’ll be absolutely ragin! Honestly, if ye know yer comin oot to see yer Prime Minister on the campaign trail, would ye naw at least gie yersel a wee wash?
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 18h
Howling! @mudmartin & @sylviafleming are goin aff their nut cos that last tweet was supposed to be a text tae ma pals! Absolute riddy! Serious tho – a wee bit of antibacterial hand gel wouldnae hurt, would it? #electionday #accidentaltweet #mankyhands
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 15h
Another polling station visited! Great to see so many people out voting and cheering our names – feel like a bloody rockstar! Honestly though, don’t gie me yer wean to hold. I’m a clumsy bastard – might end up drapping it! Plus they’ve got hunners o germs! Thanks everyone who came out to see us in Manchester! #electionday #thankyou #vote #keepyerwean
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 14h
Absolutely knackering day so far! Worth it though – we can’t wait to get back in charge of the country and making change! We’ll build on the success we’ve already had!
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 14h
My favourite book? I dinnae really read too much tae be honest – if they dinnae make a filum o it, it must be shite. I dae love one book but. Its cawed Rabbie Burns Would Be Fuckin’ Ragin’ by Carpet Burns. Scotlands next great poet – his poems are full o great patter! The next Rabbie Burns!
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 14h
@partyjane_25 we don’t get a lot of chill time on the bus – but we’ve got Wi-Fi so we’ve either got the tunes blaring to keep us motivated or a boxset on in the background. But we’re mostly on social media or doin’ interviews or that! Keepin’ up wae the numbers!
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 14h
@gary_gordon West Wing? Thought it was about birds originally. Never seen it – I’m naw into political shows. Fave shows are Entourage, Two and a Half Men or reality TV!
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 12h
So far we’ve hit polling stations in Newcastle, Manchester and Glasgow! Few more and then we’ll be calling it a day. Get out there and vote for me while ye can! Ignore the polls and the rubbish the press are saying! We’re winning this – ye don’t want tae be on the losing side!
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 11h
Here’s an idea – Snapchat Election. Ye can vote via Snapchat – don’t even need tae leave yer kip! If we get back in, that’s the future! Did I say IF? I meant WHEN!
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 11h
Right so, I’ve just been sayin’ vote for me – which is right if yer in my constituency! But ye’ve also got tae vote for all my Party People! Aw yer MPs representing me – get them voted. They are good, crackin’ people!
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 11h
If ye don’t like the MP that represents our party – vote for them anyway and when we get back in power I’ll make sure they are sacked!
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 8h
We’re done! Heading back tae No.10 and absolutely shattered but can’t wait for the results tae come in! I’ll be up all night – it’s like Christmas Eve!
Prime Minister Harry McDonagh @harrymcdonaghrealpm 8h
Thanks to everyone who went out and voted today or came tae see us! For those who were flinging stuff at us – that’s remembered. I tried to send a middle finger emoji but Sylvia and Martin wouldnae let me!
Tony laughed at almost every tweet, glad he had done his bit and voted to keep him in power. And he was bound to win. He was a popular figure, particularly in Scotland. That was probably why Tony loved him so much – he was from Springburn, just like he and Veronica were. He was a scheme boy done good. He’d been a credit to Springburn and to Scotland. Sure, the main thing he’d done was bring back The Bill, knight the Krankies and the cast of Still Game, put the sugar back into Irn-Bru and made Freddos 5p - but he'd still done his country proud. This was something Tony would tell Veronica often.
“He’s done us all proud down there, V. He’s speaking for us normal folk!” And he had, he really had. That was, until he went mental and the mad bastard threatened to bomb the country with nuclear weapons because he never got voted back in. But we’ll get to that.
