Reality Killed The TV Star

We used to have it aw

My da, my sister, and my maw

We were the rising stars of Scottish reality TV

Couldnae go for a chippy without somebody recognizing me

We went from deep fried mars bars to driving round in fast cars

We used aw our childhood scars to become Hollywood stars

Nae mair 9 to 5 grind or the benefits line

Nae mair methadone queue or having to stick in at school

We were on tap o the world

And I could pull any gurl

We got hunners of free shit

Oor life was fuckin lit

But aw that has changed

As our star started to fade

And because our ratins have slipped

They want to give me……the snip

They’ve offered hunners of money

Tae turn me intae a honey

But I cannae decide

If I want to leave it aw behind

The producers say our fans will be lovin

If they can turn me into a wummin

But the news has hit me like a brick

They want to chop off ma dick

A don’t think I’ve much choice

They’re no listenin to ma voice

And it might naw be all bad

It happened to the Kardashians Dad

Besides, what are ma options?

Say naw and lose ma good fortune?

I’m naw built for stacking shelves

It’d be bad for ma health

Ach it might naw be bad after aw

I’ve always looked a bit like ma maw

Besides, they’ve made me a promise

I’ll get a belter of a signing bonus