Rejected Jokes: Yesterday's New's, Today #5

It’s that time again! Here’s another few jokes that I laugh at, so you don’t have too!

Hope one gives you a laugh or a smile and a shake of the head. Either works for me!

Enjoy

Cx

The French subsidiary of Ikea will go on trial this week over allegations that it snooped on employees and customers by using private detectives and police officers. The trial will start as soon as someone figures out the instructions on how to build the courtroom, which has come flatpacked. 

Dame Vera Lynn is to be commemorated with a memorial on the White Cliffs of Dover. Organisers briefly considered taking inspiration from Mount Rushmore and naming the memorial Mount Vera, until they realised the connotations might not be the most dignified for the late singer.

Chef Gordon Ramsay is planning to create his own kitchenware range. Now, instead of having your family insult your cooking, your cutlery will be able to do it too.

A satellite which hunts and destroys space junk has been launched. The Astroscale test craft will be controlled from the UK. However, those controlling the satellite, are confused about what day the space bins go out. Is it Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday? 

Egypt's Suez Canal has been blocked by a large container ship that ran aground after losing control, causing a traffic jam of cargo vessels in the region. Authorities have apparently tried everything to unblock the canal, including the double flush, using a giant toilet brush, and throwing down some bleach.