Rejected Jokes: Yesterday's News, Today #5

Yesterday’s News, Today #5

Another week, another few jokes that didn’t make the cut! Not my strongest set of jokes, but they might possibly raise a chuckle, a smile or even better - a sigh and a shake of the head!

Enjoy!

Cx

·      Elon Musk has dropped his chief executive job title and crowned himself "Technoking of Tesla". Other names that were rejected included The Muskeeteer of Motors, The E-Lion King and The Tin-Man of Tesla.  

·      The Catholic Church does not have the power to bless same-sex unions, the Vatican office responsible for doctrine has said. It is "impossible" for God to "bless sin", the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (CDF) said on Monday. Which really makes you worry about what God does bless, considering the history of the Catholic Church.

·      German police have solved a nine-year-old burglary after DNA found on a half-eaten sausage matched that of a man detained in France. The officers involved in the discovery say they are delighted to have found this link in the case. 

·      Lorraine Kelly wants to be ‘unleashed’ in a post-watershed show, so she can share all the banter she has on her daytime show when the adverts are on. Possible titles include Lorraine After Dark, Under The Covers with Lorraine, and Carry On With Kelly.

·      Douglas Ross yesterday insisted Nicola Sturgeon’s IndyRef2 plan will take a ‘wrecking ball’ to Scotland’s Covid recovery. Sturgeon is set to respond in similar fashion, with a statement saying “it’s no about how fast we get there, no about what’s waiting on the other side, it’s the climb.” Meanwhile Miley Cyrus has sent a cease and desist to both parties.