Rejected Jokes: Yesterday's News, Today #4
Another week, another round up of the news with some jokes that didn’t make the cut!
Out of all the gags I’ve written in this style, these are among my favourite - and possibly my best. But who’s to say?
Well, you if you laugh. And if you do, let me know!
If you don’t? Then I already know, nae need to remind me!
Yesterday’s News, Today
In the news this week:
The Scottish Conservatives say they will push for a vote of no confidence in John Swinney "on Tuesday or Wednesday". Or maybe Thursday, Friday or Saturday. But not Sunday. Happy Days.
Footwear firm Shoe Zone has named Terry Boot as it’s new finance boss replacing predecessor, Peter Foot. Many think the company have missed a trick not having them work together, as they would have made quite the pair.
A New York City woman discovered an entire empty apartment located through a hole behind her bathroom mirror — and videos of her solving the mystery and making the unsettling discovery have gone viral on TikTok. After her newfound fame she will reportedly be doing her own version of a famous song by The Beatles, re-naming it “She Came Through The Bathroom Window Of The Apartment Behind The Bathroom Mirror”, as this year’s Christmas single.
Joe Biden’s dogs have reportedly been returned to the family home in Delaware after showing aggressive behaviour towards White House staff. Apparently the dogs responded negatively when the White House staff wouldn’t give them a treat, something the staff really should have been prepared for after the last administration.
Derek McInnes has left Aberdeen after eight years in charge with the side fourth in the Scottish Premiership. The news came as a surprise to many fans, who actually thought he’d left ages ago.
A postbox outside Inverness Town House has mysteriously been painted purple, prompting curiosity from locals. Many think that this is the work of a brand new street artist set to rival Banksy, called Barney.
After their first title win in 10 years, hundreds of Rangers fans descended upon George Square in celebration, in a significant breach of the lockdown rules. People across Scotland have been in uproar, as many didn’t realise that the sequel to World War Z had already started filming and didn’t get the chance to audition
And that’s yesterdays news, today. See ya next week!