Rejected Jokes: Yesterday's News, Today #2

Photo by Tom Mossholder

Another week, another little packet of rejected jokes!

Hopefully they give you a giggle!

Cx

Yesterday’s Jokes, Today

Irvine Welsh said work needs to start on a Trainspotting 3 film before the cast all become OAPs. Although if they do wait, we could see Begbie brawl in a bingo hall and the famous tagline change to Choose Life…Insurance

Singer Eddi Reader and some SNP MPs have hit out at a new Netflix series for branding Scots ‘stingy and miserable’. Plans for a protest to be organised outside the offices of Netflix have been scrapped however, as “there is nae way we’re paying THAT to travel over there.”

A giant teddy was kidnapped by jokers who demanded two sausage rolls for his release. Rainbow the bear vanished last week before a ransom note was found on a pavilion bench. Conspiracy theorists believe that Paddington may be behind it all, because he’s absolutely sick of being fed marmalade.

A letter revealing how Albert Einstein predicted the evils of Adolf Hitler almost a decade before he came to power is tipped to fetch £1500 at auction. Many now believe that E=MC squared stands for Evil = Mein Kampf, squared.

Mamma Mia actor Dominic Cooper has had his fourth car stolen in the space of a year. He’s sending out an SOS.

Gwyneth Paltrow has been mocked for claiming she started the ‘trend’ of wearing Face Masks.  As long as she doesn’t store them where they does her candles, she can claim all she wants.

A conservative think tank has called for an independent inquiry into Boris Johnson's fiancée, Carrie Symonds, and her "possible influence" in government. That’s an adaptation of Lady MacBeth that nobody wants to see.